It has been on my heart for some time to write a blog about men’s mental health.

I believe we are a bit better about taking about women’s mental health – in pregnancy, in the postnatal period and right up to a year after the birth (perinatal mental health). This will be a topic for another post.

However, this week I want to focus on what we can do to check in with expectant fathers and new dads.

Why men’s mental health matters

I recently read an article in The Times saying that men are more likely to take their own life than women – 75% of suicides are men. The age group most at risk was 40-49. However, the latest ONS figures show that this has changed to age 50-59.

A BUPA study involving 8000 people last year found that only 24% of men who were suffering with mental health problems would talk to their friends about it.

Expecting men to reach out for help and support is unlikely. So, it’s up to us to ask a family member or friend……..

Why might new dads struggle?

Over many years as a midwife, as well as within my own family, I have witnessed the impact that welcoming a new baby has on everyone. At Little Seeds I talk about how everything changes when you welcome a baby into your life. It’s inevitable.

Initially, the focus and attention is often primarily on the baby, alongside attending to their needs, and keeping them safe and well. I believe that new mothers are deserving of more acknowledgement and support than they often receive. And finally, sits the new dad, frequently on the periphery. After maybe just two weeks of paternity leave he returns to work. Yet his roles and relationships within the home take on new dimensions and responsibilities.

What could we ask new dads?

“Out of 10, how are you feeling today?”

We might be surprised at their answer.

They might be surprised at their response.

And maybe they might be relieved that someone has checked in with them.

Sometimes the first step to finding support is recognising that all is not well and that we need help.

Where to find support

The Times mentions a charity called Campaign Against Living Miserably (CALM) which was established in 1997. Here’s their mission statement;

“People who feel suicidal will often say that they don’t want to die – they want the pain and misery they’re experiencing to end.

But when you’re struggling, you often can’t see a way out. You see suicide as the only option. But we know it’s not. We know there’s always a reason to stay.

That’s why our mission is to help people end their misery, not their lives.”

But what’s available locally??

I heard about the charity Andy’s Man Club a few years ago. It’s a national charity but has several local hubs.

They meet every Monday night at 7pm (except for Bank Holidays). No need to book, just turn up and receive a welcome.

Andy’s Man Club has groups running at;

• Stamford Rugby Club, PE9 2RZ
• Hodgson Community Centre, Werrington, PE4 5EG
• Orton Family Hub, Peterborough PE2 5PW
• The Stephenson Way Community Centre, Corby, NN17 1DA

Finally, I recently discovered Brotherhood Men’s Groups, operating weekly in Burton Latimer, Kettering, Oundle, Rothwell and Thrapston, alongside a monthly online session. Brotherhood provides welcoming spaces where men aged 18 and over can come together, share experiences and support one another. Anyone looking for support, connection, or simply a place to talk is encourages to attend. No referral is needed, and there is no cost to participate. To find your nearest group or learn more about upcoming meetings visit www.brotherhoodmensgroups.com

I know from personal experience how important it is to have a safe place where you can be honest, share your thoughts and feelings, without receiving any judgement. Sometimes just having a voice, and an opportunity to be seen and heard, makes a positive difference to how you feel, and helps pave a way forward.

So, who can you check in with today?

Do you know any new dads, or any men, where there are subtle signs that they are feeling low, struggling, lost? Please can I encourage you to pause and ask how they are feeling, maybe ask the question……

“Out of 10, how are you feeling today?”